Helping Residents Feel Seen Every Day

Hello and welcome,

Music has a way of helping people feel seen, heard, and remembered. In this edition of Music & Memories Notes, I’m sharing gentle reflections and practical ideas that highlight how music is a pathway to belonging.

Music & Memories Moments

Some of the most beautiful moments I witnessed recently reminded me how deeply residents value being seen…

As I played my guitar, a staff member gently began to mirror the movements of a non-verbal resident, when he lifted his hand, she lifted hers; when he tapped softly, she tapped too. There was no pressure for him to change or perform. She simply followed his lead. Mirroring says, without words, “I see you. I’m with you.” In music, especially, it can turn a small motion into a shared conversation, and it is often in those subtle, respectful reflections that true connection happens.

In another session, a resident was a little unsettled, not quite herself. There are moments like that, when something feels slightly out of place you can sense it, even without words. After the session, I sat beside her and quietly sang “You are My Sunshine”, just the two of us. She became very responsive, holding my hand, smiling warmly, completely present in that small, shared moment. As I stood to leave, she softly kissed me on the cheek. It felt incredibly special. A reminder to me that even when someone cannot express themselves with words, they can still feel connection deeply, and when they feel seen, they find their own beautiful way of showing it.

Try This Today: Use Their Name in the Song

One of the simplest and most powerful ways to help a resident feel seen is to gently personalise a lyric.

For example:

• “The more we get together, together, together, the more we get together, the happier we’ll be, with David and Eleanor…” The More We Get Together
• “You are my sunshine, my lovely Margaret…” You Are My Sunshine”
• “Oh John, my darling…” My Darling Clementine
• “Goodnight Betty, goodnight…” Goodnight Sweetheart
• “I love to have a beer with Simon…” I Love to Have a Beer with Duncan

Pause and smile as you sing their name. You’ll often see eye contact, a lifted chin, or a small grin.

Tip: Even residents living with advanced dementia often respond when they hear their name warmly spoken or sung. A name carries identity.

Tip: Short, repetitive songs with familiar melodies work best, they give residents a clear cue to join in.

An Extra Cognitive Activity: Try adjusting song lyrics with a small group. A favourite song that I have used is I Love to Have a Beer With Duncan by Slim Dusty.

I love to have a beer with __________
I love to have a beer with __________
We drink in moderation __________
We drink at the T&C __________________, where the atmosphere is great
I love to have a beer with __________, ‘cause __________ is me mate

Tip: The word beer can be replaced with drink or coffee. Great to replace Town & Country with the place that the resident would catch up with a friend – their local coffee shop/Hotel/restaurant.

Seeing The Person: Questions & Answers

Q: How can I help quiet residents feel included?

A: Move closer physically. Sit beside them rather than standing in front of the group. Offer a gentle touch on the hand (if appropriate). Make eye contact when you sing. Often they are listening deeply, even if they don’t join in.

Q: What if a resident becomes emotional during a song?

A: Tears aren’t always a bad sign. Music accesses deep memory. Sit beside them, lower your voice, and continue gently, or pause if needed. Often residents will nod, squeeze your hand, or share why. Emotional release can be meaningful and comforting. Validate their feelings. A simple phrase like “I can see that was important to you” is enough.

Q: How do I balance seeing each resident while leading a group session?

A: Even in a group, you can create moments of recognition. Make brief eye contact, sing a line to a particular resident, or acknowledge their contribution with a smile or nod. Small, intentional gestures help everyone feel noticed without slowing the session.

Q: How can I help a resident feel seen if they are non-verbal?

A: Being seen isn’t only about words. Watch for subtle cues, a lifted hand, a foot tapping, a smile. Mirror their movements gently, sing a favourite line softly, or make eye contact while you play music. These small responses communicate “I notice you, and you matter.”

A Gentle Reminder

Every day, you notice the little things, a hand that hesitates, a smile that flickers, a resident who hums along quietly. You respond without even thinking: a gentle touch, a patient glance, singing a favourite line just for them. These small acts create moments where residents feel seen and remembered. Music may open the door, but it’s your kindness, attentiveness, and heart that make the connection real. Thank you for the quiet, constant ways you show every resident that they matter.

With thanks and gratitude,